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[25 Mar 2005|04:20pm] |
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Wow. It has definetly been a while right?
I am way different than I was the last time I wrote. I was reading this the other day and I realized how immature I was back then. So I'm starting fresh.
The reason I'm updating is because I don't want to write in my regular livejournal that my friends read. Why? Because it's about them and I kinda want people to read and comment and give advice if possible. And if they don't, well I just want to get it all out of my head.
I go through weird phases where I get really sick of my friends and who I am. I feel as if something is missing, as if I'm not being who I really am. The last time this happened was sophmore year, and the result of that was changing my friends ENTIRELY and acutally getting a social life. This year has been actually really good. I made a bunch of new friends (mostly guy friends) and I go out every weekend. I drank for the first time--New Years and haven't since. I was happy with where I was even though I didn't exactly fit in because.. well I'm not really like them. I'm more social and hang out with an entirely different crowd at school (I'm pretty popular and I'm a real girly girl). I know it's mean, but I can't help the fact that I feel like I'm not being who I want to be. I don't want to change social crowds AGAIN before I go off to college because it's not even worth it. All this started when my neighbor gave me a ride home yesterday. I haven't talked to him in years but we have this kind of respect for each other that goes without saying.. it's really hard to explain but I know it's there. Even though we don't ever talk he asked me advice about what to do with a girl he likes and TRUSTED me with a bunch of information he didn't want other people to know. I was really flattered, that he would ask my opinion. I couldn't really help him much because I don't know the other people involved very well but it was awesome. That started up these feelings that I'm not being who I really am. I want some change in life, I want to hang out with different people and try new things. I don't want to have to party to have fun, and I know a lot of really cool people who are just like that. Maybe they will get the hint and yeah.. I dunno. Wishful thinking? None of this would have ever happened if my so called "best" friend hadn't started to be a bitch lately. She told my ex-boyfriend/best guy friend that I "control" what she does on the weekend so shes purposely hanging out with one of our other friends (who really is a whore.. she sleeps with lots of random guys, drinks, skips school, lost her scholarship to a nice school.. all starting this year which is really sad) to "prove a point". Okay, so we got in a big fight last weekend after a week of me being bitchy cause she blew me off the weekend before and lied to my face. The fight occured at the volleyball marthon--it goes from 8pm-6am friday night-saturday morning. She decided to bring alcohol because she thinks it's "cool" and she is always trying to impress us.. and when we were talking about how they search our bags beforehand (purposely so she would hear) she got worried and decided to drink it all in the car before we left (we took seperate cars). So she came drunk and was all bitchy and stuff. She and my other friend decided I was being bitchy or something because I was trying to organize the team and they were just being total self centered brats. Then we got in a fight, but I didn't care because I wasn't the one who was drunk at a school function. (After I had stood up to all our other friends who were just going to talk to the cops/teacher in charge and have her sent home.. still can't believe I did that) So I stopped caring and she tried to make up monday which is fine, but I'm not going to care what she does so much anymore. She called me self centered when all she ever does is complain and brag about herself and how she is depressed and how she hates life. So I'm trying to prove to her how much I've been there for her. So yes, I have stopped caring so much about what she does and let her do what she wishes about telling her my opinion (even when she hints that she wants me to try to persuade her differently). I guess it could be considered kind of mean on my part, but she has never respected me and I'm sick of being used. I'm going to college in less than 6 months and I don't really care anymore. I went all my life until last year without a best friend and I know I can do it again. I'm sick of being used.
And now I have youth group until 8 and I really want to do something afterwards.. but I'm really sick of my guy friends so I'm not sure yet. And my friend who is on spring break from college hasn't called me back yet about hanging out tomorrow night after work. :(
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[13 Apr 2004|04:59pm] |
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Let's see...
-My site is now located at http://nadine.entertain-me.org but I need a layout and stuff so it'll be some time before it is all up.
-My friend and I made up. I told her that I can't forgive her for what she did but I don't want to continue fighting. So I'll try not to cry anymore about it.... but of COURSE I have jazz band tonight and that always makes me cry because they are all mean!! But I am soo much *cooler* than them and they aren't worth crap if they want to act like that!
-And I want to reiterate the point that I am no longer mad at Roxydoll or any of its members. I forgot I had posted what I did in here.. and I no longer feel like I did. Yes, I am upset I was *fired* but I realize that it would have STRESSED me beyond belief if I had stayed in the game.
Well I have to go now so cyas!
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[12 Apr 2004|07:06pm] |
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Sorry guys about that entry about Roxydoll. I LOVE Roxydoll and I've been having a really tough time lately. I was really mad about something else that day and took it out on that. I'm really sorry if I offended ANYONE and I really didn't mean what I said. If you have any questions PLEASE e-mail me (gemini_girl616@hotmail.com) because I am REALLY REALLY sorry for what I wrote. I figured no one ever read my Live Journal so I could write what I felt.. but I was wrong and people DO read it. I'm replying to those who commented about with apologies because they deserve it for having to read this trash. I don't know how else to say I'm sorry, I'm stupid, and I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm making that entry private but I want you to know THAT I MADE A MISTAKE AND I AM NOW PAYING FOR IT. Next time I'll get mad and make that entry private.. so later when I'm not mad it won't offend anyone. And yes, I don't deserve to be a MegaMod if I do that.. but it won't happen EVER again, promise!!! Anyway, I doubt I ever WILL be a MegaMod because I wouldn't ever fit in with their little 'clique' kind of how I feel in real life right now. That's not to offend anyone, but I know a bunch of them are friends and I'm not really part of that group and I never will be because.. I dunno.. I just don't care as much about the internet as they do? I'm so busy I don't have time to do anything lately.
Let's see. My problems in life right now (if you want to know, unrelated to the first half of this entry)?? My friend and I are fighting about prom (all of a sudden she doesn't want to go.. so therefore I don't think I'm going), my newspaper staff is being rude to me (I'm editor-in-chief) and not working so I'M taking the wrath for it all, grades just closed, I'm going on a HUGE school trip for 5 days from this Friday to next Tuesday.. so I'm megabusy with that, I WAS PMSing lol, my parents are driving me nuts, work is stressing me out beyond belief, and I just can't handle the smaller stuff. I'm overtired and I just can't focus on the old things. I can't get BACK into Roxydoll.. it's like I lost interest without wanting to and it sucks because I miss posting there. And I've been crying for the past 2 days because of my friend... I dunno, I just want life to be happy again.
And if you have ANY questions about my previous post please e-mail me!
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[01 Apr 2004|02:49pm] |
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Sigh, I figure it's not even worth thinking about it. I'm too busy to stress about that too!
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[09 Dec 2003|08:29pm] |
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Thank you Secret Santa from Roxydoll UBB for the be-yoot-i-ful user image for my Live Journal!! <3 <3 I'm chatting with some friends right now, so I just wanted to tell you guys about my wonderful Santa.. even though I need to get off my lazy ass and save and upload them and make some more stuff for my person!! I'm such a loser!! hehe ;)
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[18 Oct 2003|07:04pm] |
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Work wasn't too bad. I worked with 1 person which sucked really bad because people came NON STOP and we were both really overwhelmed. We're kinda friends though so it was all good. We both made like 30 bucks in tips so that was awesome! :) Tomorrow there's 4 people working... and all guys. Pat is my age and he's okay to work with, he actually works so that's good (he's working 12-6 like me). There's a new guy who over 18, I heard he's really nice so we'll see (he's working 1-6. Then there's this asshole who hits on me and the other girls.... he was supposed to be fired by the old assistant manager but I guess he wasn't because he was there today (he's working 3-10). He's the only one I worry about because if I bend over he starts checking out my butt and stuff. Before he kept asking me out and stuff and he's a real druggy. Plus he's fat and ugly and over 18 so eww. Oh well, gotta work on my 890324 projects!! lol, cyas!
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[18 Oct 2003|10:36am] |
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I don't really want to go to work... the manager is gone and I'm worked 6 fucking hours... I'm really really tired and I'm still really really sick. I feel like crap and I am sooo depressed. I can't handle this.... you don't know how bad I feel. I have PSATs Tuesday, field hockey practice or work tomorrow, latin project due monday, essay due monday, plus other homework. I AM GOING TO DIE.
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[15 Oct 2003|08:39pm] |
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Grr I'm sick!!! I keep losing my voice and it sucks!! I got up early this morning and called work to tell them I can't work next Saturday... I was going to tell them not all day because I wasn't sure of the time but my mom told me to just tell them the morning so I'm like okay and I tell them that. It turns out the thing I have to do is at 2 sooo she totally fucked me up!! Grrr... and I guess the manager of 3 weeks got fired because "she was stealing and shit"... go figure, that is if the girl that told me that was telling the truth eh? The only reason I keep the fucking job is so I don't have to be home.... and both suck really bad so I dunno!! Whatever!!! Sorry about the language, this is my vent time so leave me alone! We have a game tomorrow, this is the team I scored a goal against so HOPEFULLY i'll feel well enough to work my ass off!! I've been playing in varsity since I scored that goal!! YAY!!! lol, that's good because she finally realized how good I am!! I kick major butt in JV... well they all suck so that's why. This girl on my team's parents were on the sidelines yesterday and we were taking turns taking free hits right... so after I get called for a high ball after 1 BAD HIT her parents yell "YOU SHOULD BE TAKING THOSE HITS [her name]!!" OMG that pissed me off so bad so I showed them!! lol, I don't care what a FRESHMAN's parents think... I'm a junior and I am sooo not going to be "hurt" by a stupid freshman! lol The girl sucks at playing anyways.. she can't hit the ball very well, she high sticks CONTSTANTLY, she runs with her stick way up in the air, and she plays really really slowly... all of which we tell her NOT to do but she's like "I know i know, it's a habit"... WELL THEN MAKE IT NOT A HABIT.. duh! Whatever... nobody likes her anyways.
Time for sleep and homework... lata!
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[08 Oct 2003|07:14pm] |
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Hey guys... I'm sooo busy still!!! Game tomorrow and Friday, then I go away Friday night to my summer house to put away the boats and stuff. No school Monday, but that's when I return home. Another game Tuesday and then again on Thursday. Practice everyday, jazz band Tuesday nights... I'm chaperoning a middle school dance at church next Friday... Homework... you get the picture. HELP ME!!! lol, plus I have to work and crap WHAT FUN. :/ Well... I think I'll go now so ttyl!
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[04 Oct 2003|03:50pm] |
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Hey guys, it's been awhile.. Here are my updates for happenings in different things I do:
work- My parents didn't decide to tell me that we are going away for Columbus Day weekend until Wednesday afternoon AFTER she made the schedule, and I am supposed to have 2 weeks notice! Soo that pissed my off. I work last Sunday 6am-noon which sucked major ass. I worked this morning 7am-noon which suck too. Tomorrow we all have this big meeting (1pm-2pm) thing to learn how to use the expresso machine soo I'm kinda jittery about that. Then I'm working 3pm-6pm so we'll see if I come home before then... I was supposed to go to a field hockey practice but oh well!
field hockey- she didn't play me in varsity the last game, and I played most of the JV game.. but the fucking defense didn't know how to defend so one goal after another went in. We had like 20 corners in a row, no exaggeration.. because of their fucking feet. It was those fat girls too!!! Fat people should die... no j/k! Other than that we lost miserable in all the other games.
school- my partner in latin was flipping out at me last friday about how if we didn't get the project done 3 weeks early she would fuck us off and do a project by herself... FINE WITH ME lol! She's the one that lives in another town, not me! She's the busy one, not me!! I thought we were supposed to get together this weekend but we didn't so I don't know what is going to happen... not my problem anymore.. I'd rather do it on my own anyways. The mid-term was Friday, I'm doing really well. We got our state testing scores (for sophmores) back Thursday... I passed all areas (math, science, reading, writing) and I got ADVANCED in all of them except math, which I got goal in!!! Thank God I don't have to re-take them! I'm soo smart, haha!!
Social-- It's as stressful as always... I need a boyfriend!!
ETC--I dunno... life sucks and I'm soo tired.. I hate my fucking family and I can't wait to get out of here!!
I was banned from Illusion haha!! Good times, eh??
Well, ttyl! Buh-bye!
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[14 Sep 2003|07:13pm] |
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Ugh, I hate being sick.. All the stress and lack of sleep caught up with me and I got sick... with a cold!! Here's a highlight of the week (of what I can remember):
Saturday: played with jazz band on my town's business fair thing on my town's green... went to work 12-6
Sunday: slept in, went to the green from 12-2 and walked around with my friend. We went to Dunkin Donuts (the one I don't work at) because we were bored.. and then listen to a guy friend of ours play the guitar behind the boy scout booth lol. Went to work from 3-6. Homework that night.
Monday: Went to school, went to practice afterschool.. long day.
Tuesday: Went to school, went to practice... ran a mile during practice... stayed at school after practice to eat dinner and go to jazz practice until 7:00 and then went home and did homework.
Wednesday: Went to school, went to practice. I was still in pain from Tuesday's practice (sore muscles), but still ran the mile in 8:29 or something like that. We got our uniforms... I'm on Varsity, but I guess I play JV and varsity.. but I'm better than some of the ones that are just on Varsity.. oh well. Pasta dinner for field hockey that night.
Thurday: went to school. Had our first (away) game, we lost badly for Varsity (8-0) and I only played like 10 minutes. I played most of the game for JV.. we only lost 3-1. A girl had an asthma attack so we got home at like 7:30.
Friday: Went to school, didn't feel to well, went to practice and ran 2 miles, came home at 5:15, took a shower, and left at 10 of 6 to go with my youth group to this huge fair thing. Stayed until 10:30. We had to meet one of my ex-friends there.. who was working for another church's booth (what a weirdo!) and I was happy hanging out with my field hockey friends but she made us hang around with these girls we saw there that didn't really invite us to walk around with them... I wasn't too happy but wtf was I supposed to do?
Saturday: felt like shit, needed sleep but had to get up at 6 to be able to get to work for 7 until 12. Didn't feel to hot, but came home and napped the rest of the afternoon... spent the night online uploading Greymatter to my new site.
Sunday: Stayed home from church because I felt like shit, went to work to remind her not to schedule me during the week... ended up accidently scheduling myself to work this afternoon before I could think. Went home quickly and changed and went to work for 12-6. I felt like shit so I told her I was going to leave at 3. Stayed until like 3:30 and cleaned and stuff, thank God another girl was scheduled to come in! Came home, relaxed, ate dinner and now I'm procrastinating to do my homework.
I feel at work yesterday... I was going out to get my paycheck before I left and I guess I slipped on the wet floor or something.. only minutes after another girl fell! I was bruised on my knees but it wasn't too bad. Today I must have knelt hard on my right knee because a couple inches below my kneecap is a HUUUUGGGEEEEE bump (the size of a golf ball, not exagerating AT ALL) so I've been icing it and stuff in hope of minimizing the huge bump.. Well I gotta go, I feel like crap and I'm tired AND I have to do homework! TTYL
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[21 Aug 2003|07:42pm] |
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Okay, okay, so I'm posting ALREADY but I had to get this off my chest!! This girl from work (who's bitchy when she's pissed off) called and asked if I could work tomorrow night, I told her no, I would but I'm already working 12-6. She's like I've called everyone and no one can work for me, the she's like "I hate you"... I'm like okay, I'm sorry but I'm already working, so yeah. She might have said just kidding after the i hate you bit, but she's like it's alright, thanks anyways. So, I dunno.. she's a bitch so it doesn't really matter she "hates me" right? What do you guys think?
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[21 Aug 2003|07:19pm] |
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Eee!!! I got my own cell phone FINALLY!! :) :) I'm soooo excited!! It's a Virgin Wireless Prepaid phone, so I don't have to worry about the hassles and stuff. I'm quite pleased actually, and it came with a cover so I don't have to use the ugly silver one they sold it in. I went back to school shopping today, which is awesome. From Forever 21 I bought a long-sleeved blouse with a spaghetti strap that matches for underneath. I also bought 2 pairs of jeans, one for $20 and the other for like $25!!! I also got a cute shirt from American Eagle. I'm going to buy the rest of my stuff from the mall near my house, so that's okay. I only have one shirt to wear back to school, and that isn't enough! Sigh, I'm going to have to stock up in minis and crap! Oh well, no loss!! I'm going to go surf my regular sites, more some other time.
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[20 Aug 2003|12:35pm] |
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Damn I really should be making a new layout for my site, but I don't have any inspiration or motivation. Illusion is down right now :( oh well!!! I've been listening to music all morning on the new AOL 9.0! Yay, fun stuff! Got to go, see ya!
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[19 Aug 2003|08:42pm] |
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Hey guys!! OMG, I got the all new AOL 9.0 and it kicks ass!! It's filled with all kinds of stuff so it's kinda messy but there are so many new features so I'm not minding it too much! And they FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY thank God made it so that e-mails automatically save!!! Which is awesome because I almost had to get a new e-mail address because too many important e-mails were being deleted!!! *love, hug and a kiss* It's soo great, screen shots later maybe? Off to take a shower because I just had field hockey practice so I'm alll yicky.
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[19 Aug 2003|11:44am] |
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I seriously think someone is hacking into my e-mail or something. Like I always get e-mails saying the mail is returned because it was sent to an unknown sender... and the last couple days I keep getting signed out after I've told it to sign me in automatically. So I've changed my password so hopefully it'll stop!! E-mail me, I'm bored! gemini_girl616@hotmail.com I'm about to go out to lunch with my grandparents to some fancy restaurant for my mom's birthday!! See y'all lata!
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[15 Aug 2003|12:15pm] |
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My new field hockey stick came yesterday!! $64.95 sale price of good quality! http://www.longstreth.com/shopping/ItemImage.asp?Image=959 is a picture. I'm only working 3 days next week because they forgot to schedule me, haha, oh well. So I'll get the week off before going back to school, no loss. I'm so sore, probably from hitting the ball yesterday.. but I'm not too sure. I wish my stupid parents would cut the grass so I could use my new stick because the grass is like half a foot long!! So, I'm dying to use my stick but the grass is just a few inches to long to even try to attempt it. Oh well. I'm tired... I had a lot of dreams last night. I wrote in my diary for the first time in a few months and wrote like 7 pages of stuff that's been happening. LOL, didn't think I had THAT much to say but I guess I did!
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[05 Aug 2003|01:27pm] |
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I have an orthodontist appt. I'll have to cancel because our car broke down, and my dad took his to work.. so it's either ride our bikes there or not go. It's raining out, so we'll have to re-schedule it to next week. The below entry is my symptoms of PMS, sooo it's not really my true opinion!!!
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[02 Aug 2003|09:34pm] |
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This vacation is finally over, than goodness. I can't stand ANY more of my family, it's terrible!!! I just want to go home, find out my work schedule BEFORE Dunkin Donuts closes (well, the walk-in part) and get ready for work so I won't have to worry about it anymore. But if you knew my dad... he's soooo freaking laid-back when everyone else wants to get things done!! And vice-versa works well too.
Lindsey Lohan kicks butt, she's a great actor and she is really inspirational. Not only is she a REDHEAD (oh yeah, we kick MAJOR ass people!), she was in the Parent Trap (I loooooovvvveee that movie), and she sings pretty well! Much better than Hillary Duff that is! She's in the upcoming Freaky Friday, which I might just go to see with my mom (maybe it will improve our relationship, eh?)!
I can't wait to get some back-to-school shopping done, I think I'm going to go for a more unique style this year. I'll probably live at Forever21, because that is sooo my style. I want to have a preppy/unique look, not rock-starish, not geeky (no way!), not boyish... more of a dressy-but-casual look. Probably cute jeans with stylish tops, and stylish skirts. I'm sick of buying clothes at stores like Abercrombie and Hollister.. I'll go for more of a unique look this year because I'm sick of worrying what everyone else thinks, I can be my own person without all of them. I really need to lose my stupid geeky friends this year because I can't deal with them anymore this year, I couldn't stand them last year so heck with them this year. I also want to get a date to semi-formal.. my dream date: a guy who isn't a geek but is preppy but doesn't drink too much. I'm still crushing on the same guy from last year, but maybe I'll hook up with the guy I have a crush on at work. I don't know, but this year I'll work my butt off to get a boyfriend because I'm sick of not having one. This year WILL BE DIFFERENT.
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fhgrrl's journal
pissed off